I spent quite a bit of time in hospitals earlier this year. Not very happy memories, those, but necessary. And in their own way, they helped me gain the forward momentum I needed to fight my way out of my dark fog and confront my mental health issues, as well as fulfill the promises I've made to myself and others. My creative fire is back, I have renewed enthusiasm for the future, and I've gone over seven months without drinking. And the EMTs were nice enough, so there's that. I think it's safe to say that life got exponentially better as the year went on. And as 2011 winds down, I found myself yet again visiting a hospital a couple of times this past weekend, but for an entirely different (and joyous) reason. More on that as I'm given the go ahead to post about it.
So far, I've still only got the two completed songs, by which I mean lyrics only. I'll figure out the music soon enough, and then the other half-finished/sort-of-started songs. And then I can use Garage Band to make them a reality and post them on my Facebook page. I seem to have all kinds of folks willing to help me find places to play, and the set list has been growing as well. The few times I've performed have been well received, which serves to reassure me that my decision to go it alone was a good one. I'm not going for rock star status, just well thought of entertainer status. Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to offer me some kind of deal, I'd be more than happy to consider it. But being a middle aged man, I'm fairly well certain that that ship has sailed.
Christmas this year was pretty fantastic. The people around me, the mood, the fact that I'm actively working on the future, and the terrific news that my daughter became a Doctor Who fan/made Dean's List in her first semester all contributed to Holidays that were indeed happy (and as God is my witness, I'm still not sure which of those two things makes me prouder). I think everyone did a pretty good job with presents for each other and such, and I was truly blown away by what I received, but honestly, I'd still have been happy if I hadn't gotten anything. It was just that kind of Christmas this year.
I still get a little overwhelmed by things and freeze up every now and again, but I have people in my life who are willing to help guide me through those times, as well as a roster of professionals to help me better recognize when those times are coming, so that I can arm myself against them. Jess has been a huge part of that. I still have days when the fog threatens to take over, and sometimes my brain and my mouth have different agendas, but her support, patience, and love have been immeasurably helpful and healing. Doesn't hurt that we occasionally share a frontal lobe.
So I'm closing the door on 2011. For all of its' pitfalls and frustrations and heartache, I feel like I'm happier and more comfortable with myself than I ever have been. I have a lot of people to thank for that. If you're reading this, chances are you're one of them. So thank you, and I'll see you after the ball drops.
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