Friday, December 31, 2004

Ringing In 2005

Best wishes to all for the new year. Tonight, I'll be at Connolly's in Times Square, ringing it all in with my friends form the Black 47 Ireland tour. This will be my first ever Times Square NYE, and the Guinnes will surely flow like the Mighty Mississippi. See you in '05.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Mind-Numbing Tragedy

That's all I can really say about the tsunami in the Pacific. Reports are out that the death toll is now over 100,000. I just can't even conceive of something like that. You read all the history books about Pompeii and Krakatoa, but you can never really fathom that kind of devastation until it happens. Someone, maybe a reporter, said the word "biblical." While I'm loathe to encourage any kind of talk about this being a punishment for anyone, I can't say I disagree. There's a million people giving out numbers and websites and such for help in the relief effort. I'm sure you've seen them all, so I wont be redundant, but if you have the means at all, try to help. If you don't at least say a prayer, or (if you're not the praying kind) try to have some kind of psychic good thoughts for those affected.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Pierce Is The Man

Click here, scroll down a bit, and read Charles Pierce. It's worth it.
Happy Festivus, Everyone.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Hey Look Everyone! Another Phony Controversy!

As we all know by now, Drudge is up for any backstage scuttlebut, and he doesn't disappoint today. The unnamed source asks if they had this much fun with Robert Downey, Jr. and John Belushi's addictions. The answer is yes. I don't know what they said, if anything, about Chris Farley, but I do remember they specifically mentioned the other two in sketches. Of course, all this manufactured outrage is being expressed on behalf of a man who once referred to Kurt Cobain (only days after his suicide) as "A worthless shred of human debris."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

So There ARE Rules?

Atrios linked to this little gem. Here's my favorite Rummy Rule:
"It is easier to get into something than to get out of it."
Truer words, Rumster. Truer words.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Not Just Another DJ Without Records

I never met David Brudnoy personally, but his figure loomed big in my former radio career. I was the late night executive producer at WRKO in Boston, and David was Boston's late night radio king. Every host I worked with in that time slot, and every program director I worked for, understood one thing: The best we're ever going to do is number 2 in the market. David owned the nights in Boston radio. And I never really minded that, because he was just so goddamn good at it. He was one of the last of a breed of talk hosts that actually TALKED to people, rather than proseletyze or preach or yell or curse them out (unlike some of the folks that I've worked with, quite frankly). The listening audience became a community, rather than a bloodthirsty mob, when he was on the air. He was interesting and interested at the same time, and more than once, I heard him start to reconsider his opinion (although he was VERY opinionated) due to a caller or one of his guests giving him a different perspective on an issue.
Ten years ago, David revealed that he had contracted AIDS, and was near death, but he fought back and reclaimed his radio crown. Last year, he almost died again due to cancer, but fought back and survived. Now, his cancer is back, and he's given up fighting and is preparing to leave this world. Last night, WBZ presented what they called his final broadcast, which was a prerecorded interview from his hospital bed at Mass. General. He says he could be days or hours away, and he's ready for it.
I'm not sure the rest of us are.

Friday, December 03, 2004

So Who Exactly Has The Free Media?

So, ABC affiliates refused to run "Saving Private Ryan" during Veterans Day due to percieved pressure from the FCC and whatever professional complainers are out there waiting for someone to do something they don't like, and the BBC is going to air a musical that has so many swears in it, it might make the producers of South Park cry. What the feck is going on here? I thought were supposed to be the most free and open society on the planet, where our media enjoyed unrivaled protections? Tell me you can't make the distinction between the artistic merits of a movie like SPR, and a musical about a tabloid talk show. Go ahead, I dare you.
And you know what the most truly outrageous thing about this is? David Soul is apparently not dead.

President Rupert Pupkin?

I guaran-goddamn-tee you, he's got this same setup in the private residence somewhere.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

I Aint No Troll

So the lovely and talented Miss Margo suggests that I put my picture on my 'blog here. I actually used to have my headshot here, but I decided to take it down because I'll be getting new ones made soon, and I'm not all that crazy about the old one anymore. If you really want to see it, it's still here. Bear in mind, it was taken about 60 pounds ago. I'm even more devilishly handsome now.

Hello Jakey!

One of the cool by-products of my Ireland trip was the opening act for the tour, a band of proud Plastic Paddies from London called Neck. They're on a mini US tour this week (East Coast only), and coming to NYC tomorrow, and Boston on Saturday. Very cool band, and a fun bunch of folks to boot (In particular, their fiddler Marion, who was most generous with the Jamesons). I highly recomend their current US release, "Here's Mud in Yer Eye!" Word is they got a new cd out in Europe right now, and hopefully over here early next year. Download the samples from their webpage, and try to match my patented punk skank/stepdancing hybrid skilz! Ya heard me!

Monday, November 29, 2004

Did I Land in BIzarro America?

When did Bill O'Reilly start making sense? I mean, yeah, his column was more than a little self-serving (See: Falafel), but there's not really much there that I'd have a problem with. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm going to go back over to Ireland for, say, about a week or so, and when I come back, everything better be back to the way it was. Or else, I'll just have to keep going back to Ireland until we get it right. Yeah, that sounds good to me. Mahalo.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Back-diddly-ack in the USA

What an amazing week I just had. I really wish I could break the whole thing down here, but the truth is, you just can't pack a month into five days like that and expect to be anywhere near coherent about it. Suffice it to say, it's nothing a couple of good night's sleep, plus a blood transfusion, wont help. More after the holiday, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Try to Soldier On Without me...

No blogging for the next week or so. I'll be in Ireland, and most likely far too drunk to type at any given moment. I'll be thinking of you all, and I apologize in advance if I start an international incident.

Monday, November 15, 2004

You Have GOT To Be Shitting Me

Indiana's got a lot of time on its hands these days, it seems. Or at least its religious groups do. Then again, I giggle like a five year old anytime I hear the phrase "Back Door Draft."

Thursday, November 11, 2004

"Major Combat Operations Are Over..."

Um, except for this one.

Why Does Bob Jones Hate America?

Apparently, that unaccredited college down south, Bob Jones University, feels a one-party government where everyone has to follow the same agenda and no dissenting voice deserves a say is preferable to Democracy. Oh, and their leader doesn't think America deserves salvation. I wonder when they're moving their campus out of the country?

Zell Miller: Elder Statesman

You know, there's almost something endearing to Senator Miller's cranky little rants. I'm not a huge fan of Maureen Dowd personally, I think she's a little too pleased with herself, but isn't "hussy" a synonym for "slut?"

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

New Book Recomendation

Barry Crimmins is considered by many in Boston, and outside, to be the guy who helped launch the careers of some of your favorite comedians. Steven Wright and Bobcat Goldthwait, among many others, consider Barry to be their comedy daddy. He's also an outspoken activist, contributor to NPR, the Boston Phoenix, and Air America Radio, among his many other projects. He's curmodgeonly, gruff, does not suffer fools gladly, and by the way. he's very very funny. He's also one of the warmest, most caring guys on the planet underneath all that, and now he's got his very own book out, called "Never Shake Hands with a War Criminal." You should go get it. Now. I'll wait.

No Golden Parachutes For These Folks

According to this article in the WSJ, companies are now trying to save money by cutting health benefits for retirees, even those who've collectively bargained for them. Their method? Sue the poor bastards. And from the looks of it, they're picking specific people, mostly those who've been involved in union organizing, or have had any beefs with the company in the past. Good lord. Why there aren't armed insurgents walking the streets of this country amazes me sometimes.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

There He (Drudge) Goes Again...

Headline on Drudge's website: "Farenheit 9/11 Knocked out of Golden Globes."
Wow, sounds pretty controversial, huh? Someone out there reading that headline would think "Well, they're finally standing up to the Liberal Elite in this country. Kudos to the Foreign Press for having the decency to put Michael Moore in his place."
So go read the story here. Turns out, they don't give awards out to ANY documentaries, and didn't want to change their precedent this year.
Someone please explain to me again, why do people give that bald-ass chimp any credibility?

Friday, November 05, 2004

Mandate, Schmandate

I actually heard someone refer to Tuesday as an "Overwhelming win." Okay, let's break it down: The margin was 2%. That's it. 2% of those who voted did so for Bush more than Kerry. How the hell does that translate into overwhelming? More people voted against him than ever voted FOR a presidential candidate up until this year. Are you still going to call this a mandate? And when did it become an American value to cheer for a one-party rule, with virtually no checks or balances?
Just remember: You now have to be right 100% of the time for the next four years. Anything that goes wrong from now until 1/19/2009 is your fault, and you'll have no one to blame because you control all branches of government.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

New DVD Recommendation

Ryko just put out a DVD of three live performances by Bill Hicks. If you don't know who he was, read the bio, and then ask yourself if you like stand-up comedy that has little to do with the crappy food you get on airlines. Most of this material, actually prolly all of it, is available on the web, but I like the idea of his family getting some royalties, so I went out and bought it, and so should you. Buy it, watch it, laugh. Especially now, laugh.

Something Slightly Strange

Okay, I have to admit, my numbers aren't exact (ie-to the decimal point), but they're about as close as I remember, but yesterday, during Bush's acceptance speech, the Dow was up about 99 points. During the course of the speech, my coworkers and I kept watching that gain slip down to the 70's, which means, that the Dow fell at least 20 point WHILE BUSH WAS TALKING. I'm not sure what it means, and the market did recover and close up around 101, but still, it was a little weird. I kept imagining the folks in the pits looking up the their TV monitors and going "Oh shit, you meant HIM?"
Seriously, if someone else can verify this, I'd really appreciate it.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Oh, And By The Way...

Thanks to all the under-30's who couldn't be bothered. Have fun paying off the largest budget deficit in our nation's history. If an election like this can't get you off your ass, what in the holy fuck will?
Note to Senator Kerry: Now that you've conceded, I hope to God you don't just let this administration run roughshod. Four percentage points is neither a landslide nor a mandate. I want to see you at the forefront of holding their feet to the fire on every single issue. Please don't let the Constitution be permanently replaced by the PATRIOT Act.

Quote of the Day

"Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck."- Tom Tomorrow
I feel like we just re-elected Boss Hogg

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Come On Now

What are you reading this for? Go vote for chrissakes. If for no other reason than to prove O'Reilly's idiot viewers wrong. Go, do it now.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Why Horseshoe Pitchers Hate Me

So, a couple of weeks ago (in fact it was the night of game 3 of the ALCS, hereafter to be known as the hiccup in the Red Sox postseason), I drove down to Uncasville Connecticut to do a private show for a group called the National Horseshoe Pitchers Association. No shit, there really is a club for everything you might like to do. Anyway, I was booked for the show by a guy who books a lot of fundraisers for civic organizations and whatnot, and he tends to pay well and on time, and the shows are always pretty good, and so I figured this would all be fine too. I was also recovering from a cold that my roommate passed on to me, because apparently, the British don't believe in covering your mouth when you sneeze and cough. So my head was a little light, and my voice didn't have the smooth, deep, rich quality that made me one of the most popular weekend dj's on stations nobody ever listens to for many years. But I'm a professional, so I know I can hack it (no pun intended).
Now bear in mind, I had done a show for this same booking agent the previous night, which was a benefit for his church, and it went just fine. In fact, it was great, and the agent in question was there and saw the whole show. He wasn't, however at the Horseshoe show, but as I said, I'm a professional, and all the signs pointed to another fine night of comedy. The crowd seemed nice, a good mix of younger and older folks, everyone was very friendly, and the guy running the show, who was also a member of the organization, seemed pretty cool. Unfortunately, when the booker isn't at a show like this, you're kind of at the mercy of the folks from the organization and when they want to start. You can make all the suggestions you want, based on how you know it should go, and what it will take to get everyone to settle and pay attention, but invariably, you will be introduced just as the servers are bussing the tables, and the noise of plates and silverware being dumped into the service cart placed strategically right in front of you tends to distract folks. And that's what happened on this night too.
Anyway, the show went okay. Not my best show to date, but there were some definite laughs from the crowd, and afterwards, people came up and told me they'd enjoyed it, and I said thanks and got in my car and went home. Okay, I thought, I've done better, but I've done worse, and assumed it had to do with the awkward start of the show. The following Monday, I get an email from the booker telling me that the Horseshoe folks were very upset with me, and that the agent took what he called a "Big Hit" for the show. Whether that means he lost out on the possibility of any future bookings for their events, or someone actually struck him, he didn't specify, but he mentioned things like "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think you could handle it." To me, that's like telling me he didn't know I sucked. Now bear in mind, he'd seen me just the previous night, where I got applause breaks for the very same material, and now he was questioning my abilities as a comic. I don't think I have to tell you, but them's fightin' words. So I made a point to remind him of the great job he'd told me I'd done on the previous show, and that all I did was add in some of the more racy language that I'd deleted for the church folks (Usually, these types of shows want you a little cleaner than your club act. I try to go a little dirtier than the booker asks, because bookers tend to be nervous nellies. It usually works pretty well). Were they upset because I'd said "fuck" once or twice? Not even close.
Turns out, I didn't say it nearly enough for their liking. The comic who'd done the show the previous year was a woman I've worked with many times, who tends to be quite dirty and gets on the crowd a bit. I did know this going in, but the guy who was running the show said, and this is a near exact quote, "She was great, but you don't want the same thing every time." Well I guess they most certainly did want the same thing they got last year, and were furious with me because they didn't get it.
Honestly, I'm really baffled by this. I have never, NEVER had someone complain that I was too clean. In fact, I've never even heard of anyone getting in trouble for something like that. Too dirty? Sure, that happens to everyone. You try to judge how far you can take the crowd, and sometimes you overshoot it a bit. No biggie. But too clean? Jesus H Christ on a skateboard, that's NEVER HAPPENED IN COMEDY HISTORY. I have to say, the whole things thrown me for quite a loop, because having grown up in a Boston Irish Catholic family, I can almost guaran-goddamn-tee you I know swear words some of you have never heard in your life, and that's from my mother's side. I can work some variation of the work fuck into just about any situation, and I quite often do in normal conversation. I even asked some of my peers for their input, and none of them had ever heard of anything like it.
Ah well, I guess it's just another interesting story I can tell young comics someday when I turn old and bitter (shut up, McIntire). And the following week I did a show in Manchester and said fuck the normal amount of times and everyone seemed to be satisfied with it, so I guess I shouldn't let this one experience throw me too hard. But if I ever get booked for a show involving the National Horseshoe Pitchers Association again (unlikely), I'll definitely remember to crank it up, the fuckers.

Friday, October 29, 2004

This Just In: Artie from the Howard Stern Show Can Kiss My Ass

Here's some more required reading. I was going to write something about how it's not us in Red Sox Nation that complained about the curse, it's everyone else that keeps bringing it up, but Bill Simmons puts it better than I was going to. Enjoy.

I Know We Wont Have a Draft, Because Bush Said So

Unfortunately for me, his administrations actions prove he's a liar.
So just remember kids, there absolutely WERE WMD's in Iraq, Saddam absolutely WAS involved in 9/11, which by the way. could not have been prevented, even if there were any warnings, which we all know there weren't, and most importantly, our economy's doing great.
*Paid for by Americans Who Love Having People Lie to Their Face.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Now What Do We Do?

There's an election in five days, quite possibly the most important election of my lifetime. The outcome could determine whether this country regains its status as a genuine world power, honors its commitment to freedom at home and abroad, and provides genuine opportunities for people to live healthy, financially secure lives, or send George Bush back to Washington to continue dismantling the Constitution and just generally screw things up royally. Right now, today, at this very moment, I couldn't care less about that, because I just watched something happen that hasn't happened since 1918. I have been a lifelong Red Sox fan, as has my dad, as was my grandfather. I watched Carlton Fisk will the ball to stay fair and win game 6 in extra innings, only to lose game 7 in yet another heartbreaker in 1976. I watched Bucky Dent hit his home run in 1978. I watched bob Stanley throw a wild pitch, and then watched the ball roll through Bill Buckner's legs in 1986. I was watching last year when Aaron Goddamn Boone launched the Sox into their winter homes in game 7. To those who think to themselves "It's just a baseball game, who cares," yeah, okay, I know it's not life and death, but it is a symbol for people who keep hanging on, year after year, never losing faith that someday, they will find a way to overcome the failures of the past and come out on top. I've yelled, and screamed, and vowed never again to be taken in, but I always came back, because they were always good enough to make me want to keep watching and believing. This time, after 35 years, my patience was rewarded. None of the past failures and heartbreaks means anything now, except as a monument to perserverance. Right now, I'm just too damn happy to care about the election.
And by the way, to those Yankees fans who are already minimizing this championship and saying "Call us when you win 20 more," you guys should learn to stop living in the past, like we just did.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

What Do You Call 25 Guys Sitting Around Watching the World Series?

The New York Yankees (yeah I know, that joke's been making the rounds, but I just had to).
You know, I'm hearing the little voice in my head that says "Don't count your chickens...," but f*&k him. I've been waiting 35 years for this. I was there for '75, '78, '86, '99, and '03. My dad's been waiting 62 years. Tack on '46, '49, '67, etc. for him. All these omens people are passing around, like the last time they made the Series was 18 years ago in '86, and it's been 86 years since they last won it in 1918, that's all crap. The fact is, the Sox are playing like they want it and the Cardinals, well they just aren't. I am NOT expecting this to be a sweep, but so far they don't seem to be putting up much of a fight. Tonight's game should be fun, no mater the result.
And by the way. It's nice to see that fans of one team can welcom fans of another team into their city and treat them well, without it turning into a gang fight. Kudos to the St. Louis fans for being classy, REAL baseball fans. And don't think I don't know that there are plenty of folks in Boston that could take a cue from them.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Thank God I Have a Day Off Tomorrow

Wow, quite the weekend I had. Not only did the Red Sox win the first two games of the World Series, and the Patriots won their 21st straight game (not including pre-season), but Manchester United ended Arsenal's 49 game unbeaten streak on Sunday too.
And I'd like to thank the folks at Davignon in Manchester, New Hampshire for, at the very least, paying attention to a comedy show while Game 1 shone on the tv's in the back. Actually, it was a great crowd and a hell of a show, and not just because nobody complained that I wasn't dirty enough (I'll tell that story later).

Safer?

So, we were so busy looking for WMD's that didn't exist, that we just left a huge cache of conventional weapons alone, and now those weapons are being used to kill our soldiers? Wow, that's pretty bad, but hey, at least we're safer now at home, right? And we have plenty of money for those first responders, because, you know, those guys were the heroes of 9/11, so we should take care of them, because we'll need them the next time something like this happens, not that it's going to because we're all so safe here at home, right?
Yes, great job, Mr. President. Well done. No wonder you told a reporter that we couldn't win the war on terror, you incompetent punk.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Thugs

That's the only word that reasonably describes the idiots and assholes whose behavior led to the death of a 21 year old girl who merely wanted to celebrate the Sox win the other night. Yeah, I do think the police bear some responsibility, however I don't think anyone will ever really know exactly how the whole thing went down. But the fact remains that if people weren't lighting cars on fire and smashing and destroying private property, no one would have felt the need to open fire (hopefully). I'm no big fan of Marshall Law, but I can almost see Mayor Menino's point about shutting things down during the World Series. And now we have no reason to complain about the crappy behavior on the part of Yankees fans in game 6.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Another Media Personality Speaks Out About Bush

Pat Robertson tells a more than a little disturbing tale about the President. Of course, you'd expect as much from a member of the Blame America First crowd.

Come Home Johnny Damon, All Is Forgiven

OH...MY...GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Three games down, and they come back and win four in a row, including two games in Yankee Motherf*cking Stadium! To hell with doe-eyed and goofy, this team is the shit! Yeah I know, some folks out there really couldn't care less. But you have to understand, over the past 86 years, things have happened with this team nearly every time they've gotten even this close, and we haven't even started the World Series yet. I didn't get very much sleep last night, yet somehow I feel just fine right now.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Please Please Please, One More Week of Red Sox Baseball...

Just one more week, five more wins, and I promise none of us in New England will ever ask for anything again. I hate to get all doe-eyed and goofy about this, but I really think this could be the year. And last night, they did it in plenty of time to let us all get some decent sleep.
Oh, and I promise never to second guess Terry Francona again.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Another Thing No One's Going to Notice...

...unless the mainstream media get off their asses and start reporting it. Here's what I'm talking about. I guess only koo-koo crazy conspiracy nuts like me think that folks in the government would ever stoop so low as to abuse their power. Because, you know, it's not like it's ever happened before. Anyone know how much it costs to have your fingerprints burned off?

Wear A T-shirt, Go To Jail

Every time I see a story like this, I remember that speech Bush gave before the Australian Parliament, where he responded to a heckler by saying "I love free speech (with the trademark smirk in full effect)." As you can plainly see, he, or at least his campaign, clearly doesn't.

Heh

As always, the kids over at Fark.com tackle the tough issues. In this edition: Bill O'Reilly.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Schadenfreude

Yeah, I think Al Franken chose exactly the right word when discussing the Bill O'Reilly sex harassment case. Of course, if the story's not true, then we're all screwed, because he'll live off the indignation forever. But check out the Franken tirade he goes on. I wonder if he's got a portrait of Lincoln he talks to at night.

Sauce for the Goose

I have to admit, I tend to agree with the folks that are upset about this story. I mean, I'm not exactly angry about it, but it certainly is inappropriate to show a movie like "Fahrenheit 9/11" a couple days before the election in a polling place. If it were any other weekend, I don't think it would be such a big deal, but the librarian kinda screwed the pooch on this one.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Not That I'm Trying to Help the Bush Campaign, But...

...someone really needs to tell the top guy on the Republican ticket that we live in an age of videotape.
Honestly, I didn't even watch a little bit of the debate last night. I was far too busy screaming at the batting order of the Boston Red Sox. The two best pitchers they have, and even if one of the has an off-night, you'd think that the mind-numbingly talented offense they have could help them get through, right? Sure they can.
And let's not forget that Fox's news coverage isn't the only thing that sucks. Question for the Fox Sports sales department: Could you possibly run a few more commercials? Because I could swear I actually saw a couple of first pitches last night. You guys are slipping.

Perfect

Less than a month out, let's see how the spiffy new computerized voting system is working down in the Sunshine State!
Glitch? What Glitch?
Maybe we should just skip Florida altogether this year.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Wow

If this is true, it's huge. Although again, I don't expect to see a lot of coverage of it in the SCLM.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Sherlock Holmes Can Kiss My Ass

Shecky! Magazine was kind enough to acknowlege that I have the deductive powers of a God. Now if only they'd invited me to the Shecky! showcase at the Village Lantern this week...*sigh*

It's Amazing What You Can Find on Monster.com

I smell executive potential.

Whoo! What a Finish

Man, I can't say I'm exactly happy with the result, but boy, what a hard fought campaign! So the President gets another four years to fix everything he screwed up in the previous four, God Bless him! Again, I wish it would have come out differently, but hey, that's Democracy for you. Best of luck to the 2nd Bush/Cheney administration! I'm off to smoke some Victory cigarettes, down a little Victory gin, and celebrate our glorious win over Eurasia.

It's No 'Diary of a Madman,' But...Well Maybe It Is

Bush's notes from the debate. I have personally verified their authenticity, having shown them to a homeless guy on Boston Common who, after coughing for 25 minutes straight, mumbled something I heard as "Grafppppplan AAAAAAAAAAArgggghhhh Flooooooooooordubh." In your face, CBS!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Tell Me Again How the Left Has No Sense of Humor?

So now the GOP wants Michael Moore arrested for trying to get college students to vote. Yeah, that's right, they want him prosecuted for vote fraud. I guess these guys haven't visited a dorm in a while.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Freaky

Check this out. How shitty is your covert transmitter that you can be picked up by Secandary Audio Programming? You'd think these guys could afford better gear, you know?

Cheney Channels O'Reilly

One word, Mr. Vice President: Duh.

But I'm Sure He Cashed the Check

Ralphie May is now biting the hand that fed him (and no, that's not a fat joke). Now, I don't know Ralphie personally, and I do think he can be funny, but we do have mutual friends in the biz, and they tell me he's a great guy. Maybe that's true, but his public persona is that of a whiny, arrogant spoiled brat. Is he not the only person in the country who realizes that he lost the first season because of his attitude? And if he's so groundbreaking and envelope-pushing, why does he feel the need to tell people that ALL THE DAMN TIME? Anytime I see a comic talking about what a daring, fearless, politically incorrect voice they are, I immediately assume they're not. Let your act do the talking, and if you're act consists of making fun of Chinese drivers and black kids who buy clothes too big for them, you're not ground breaking, you're a dick.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Plugity Plug Plug Plug

This Thursday, I'll be at the Starline Room in Stoughton, Mass. with Dan Hirshon and DJ Hazard. Check out DJ's website. The man is a legend, and his stories are brilliant. I guess the Starline hasn't seen fit to promote the show on their site yet, but you can read all about their singing waitstaff.

Another Hack Comic Premise Comes True

I guess you can subtitle this article: "The lighter side of spreading paranoia and fear across the globe." Of course, one wonders why someone would dump their vibrator in the trash at an airport. Was it a disposable? Sounds to me like it still had some life in it, so to speak. But my favorite part is when the store manager realizes "Hey, I knew that noise sounded familiar!" I guess she'd never heard one stuck in a tube quite that large before.

Tell Us Again How Much Safer We Are, Mr. President

Or better yet, tell the Unruh family. Senator Edwards is right. After all this, if you're still planning on voting for Bush next month, you're out of your goddamn mind.

Ten Bucks Says It Was a Dixie Chicks Fan

Someone in Texas took a shot at Toby Keith's van. They hit the wrong guy, unfortunately. But hey, their heart's in the right place. I just hope Natalie Maines has an alibi.

...And Then He Should Kill a GOP Pollster With His Bare Hands

Edwards vs. Cheney tonight. Thank God the Red Sox have an early game so I can sit glued to what is sure to be a slugfest (he said, forgetting that the sarcasm setting was set to "On"). Although, if this happens, I'll buy a round for everyone at the Banshee.
(link via Atrios)

You Too Can Be A Member of the Illuminati

Ever click on the links from Drudge's pop-up ads? I just did, and look what I got. A "secret currency?" Wouldn't it be wierd if it turned out to be, like, Lima Beans or something?

Monday, October 04, 2004

Friday, October 01, 2004

Debate 'N' Stuff

Lot's of opinions out there on who won and who looked more Presidential. I'm going with Kerry, so basically, this debate did nothing to change my opinion. Although the Smirk was in full effect.
Tonight I'll be at Avalon watching Flogging Molly and consuming more than my fair share of Guinness. Tomorrow I'm at the Red Lion Inn again in Cohassett, Mass. I have no idea who I'm performing with, but I'm sure it will be great.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Why I Don't Make Fun of Store Clerks in My Act

Because they have to deal with shit like this. I've worked in customer service many times, both on the phone and behind the counter, and lemme tell you, this country is getting worse and worse in how we treat each other. As much as Republicans hate to admit it, welfare moms aren't the only people with a sense of entitlement. No, I'm not saying that these women are the fault of the Republican party, but more often than not, the people I had the worst time with were conservatives with money who loved to make sure I knew my place in the world. If there were any justice, these two idiots would be forced to wear shirts that read "I am a spoiled brat" for the next five years.

News Flash: Television Still Sucks

Read this. I have a suggestion for Bill Maher's "New Rules": Everyone doesn't deserve to be famous. Seriously, if you've been convicted of fraud, or any other kind of felony, you shouldn't be able to get a TV show out of it. What ever happened to the concept of shunning? Why are we celebrating assholes and idiots, and then completely taken aback when our kids emulate them? Never mind that "Reality" TV is turning this country dumber by the day. I have it on good authority that you can actually hear the intelligence leaking out of your ears when you watch Paris Hilton on TV.

The Good News Is, You're Not Alone

Let me just make this one point: If you believe and trust a single word that Michael Savage says, you are a complete moron. Same goes for Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh. Seriously, you're frigging stupid if you think those people have any reasonable grip on reality. They are nothing more than verbal pitbulls.
So listen to them and cheer them all you want, just bear in mind, you're an idiot. And if that makes you happy, more power to you, but just so you understand, you're a douchebag. Selah.
(yes yes, I know what the title of this 'blog is; it's called irony)

Must See TV

I'll be watching the debate tonight, even though there's so many rules about who can say what, when they can say it, who they can say it to, and where they have to stand while saying it, that it'll probably be pretty boring. Be interesting to see if the Bush smirk makes an appearance.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Big Brother Gets Bitch-Slapped

I really hope this is a sign that we're not heading further and further into a police state. But the amount of people who think it's perfectly fine for the government to monitor nearly everything you do scares the crap out of me.

Almost As Fun As Mad Libs

Mr. Sun has a "Create your own Bush stump speech" over at his site. Now you too can smirk away over 1,000 American lives.
(thanks to Wonkette for the link)

Wonkette

Here's a fun new game just in time for the election. BTW, is it wrong to have sex dreams about a woman you've only ever seen in one picture?

Impressive

I think the most amazing thing about this story is not that Bush's hometown paper is endorsing Kerry. It's that anyone in Texas knows what "Iconoclast" means.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Best Campaign Ad EVER

Little Zachary Maxwell's got a message only the President of the United States could understand. Of course, he might need a few sips of "pretzel," but I'm sure he could find a bottle or two around somewhere.

Another Reason to Not Move to Those States...

The Supreme Court is about to rule on whether your city or town can legally claim your property in order to build a hotel or shopping mall. Okay, I know what Eminent Domain is, and I know it's in the Constitution, but seriously, what the fuh...? In the 50's, hundreds of Bostonians were forced out of homes and businesses in order to make way for the Central Artery that was recently torn down to make way for the Big Dig. And of course, the West End of Boston (birthplace of Leonard Nimoy) basically no longer exists because of real estate developers. I just can't believe people are still having to go through this kind of crap after working hard and saving up to be able to afford their own homes. If I'm not mistaken, Eminent Domain is supposed to be a last resort kind of thing, not just a way to reward rich developers that give you campaign money. If anyone knows of a petition or some kind of legal fund being set up for these folks in New London, please post it here. The home you save may be your own.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Is It Just Me?

Do me a favor. Watch the video from yesterday's Meet the Press interview with Gen. John Abizaid. Does anyone else notice that his eyes keep shifting back and forth like he's reading off a cue card? I've seen enough locally produced "I'll be the star of my own commercials" spots to notice, and it sure seems like it to me. And I swear to God, I haven't been listening to that much shortwave radio recently.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Okay, Here's Something

Time has a mini interview with Jon Stewart, who is fast becoming one of the best political comics in the country. If there were any fairness in this world, he'd be taking over for Craig Kilborn on CBS. But of course their knuckles are still stinging from the whole Boob-gate thing, not to mention the fake memos, so I doubt it's in the cards.
UPDATE: Apparently, they've decided to put the article in their "Subscribers Only" section, so now you gotta pay to see it. Sorry about that. Trust me, it was a good article.

Friday...

Light day today, mostly because I'd just like to take a personal mental break from all the crap out there. Sometimes I wish I was one of those folks who just believed everything I was told. That would make life so much easier. Nope, this weekend I'm just going to concentrate on Red Sox vs. Yankees, my kid, and the All-Ireland Finals. Oh, and prolly Man. United vs. Spurs tomorrow morning.
There's some good stuff out there today though, from Bob Somerby, Eric Alterman (who's pretty cranky), and Kevin Drum. Also, scroll down Alterman's page for Charles Pierce's latest. This guy should have his own magazine.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Your Tax Dollars At Work: PROVE YOU DON'T HATE AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!! Edition

This is just asinine. Doesn't it take a Constitutional Amendment to change the powers of one third of the government? I think someone should introduce a bill that would allow police officers to stop people radomly in the street and make them recite the pledge. I also think Todd Akin needs to find whatever evil little demon is inhabiting his mind and stab it with an icepick.

On The Other Hand, I Could Use the $4K

So the Bush campaign and their allies are so desperate to get him re-elected that they're willing to pay people to get endorsements for him and his disastrous Medicare plan. I especially liked this part: "We have help available to write letters if the signer is not comfortable drafting the letter entirely on their own.” Right, just like the Swiftboat Vets were coached on what words to use in their attack ads. Why why why why why are people still supporting these assholes? It can't just be spite against the Democrats, can it? Because if so, it REALLY WILL come back and bite you all in the ass.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Tonight...

I'm closing out the show at the Brewery Exchange in Lowell, Mass. Show starts at 8pm, and also includes Robby Roadsteamer, Andy O'Fish, and at least one of the fabulous Walsh Brothers. In honor of performing in the birthplace of Kerouac, I plan to mumble my way through the entire show in a belligerent drunken stupor, and then ask my gay poet best friend to blow me for $15.

Any Wonder He Lost To A Dead Guy?

If Ashcroft were a ballplayer, he'd have been shipped off to AA a long time ago. As far as the War on Terror is concerned, he batting a big fat ZERO.
Oh, and let's not forget that he lost his last election TO A DEAD GUY.

Comic Books are Cool

At least this one is. And it's even footnoted. For my money, the only place you're going to get the full story is in the indy media. The networks, cable news, newspapers, etc., are all basically parroting whatever the latest talking points are these days, and the independent media, though not always accurate (and in some cases wildly inaccurate), are still the most reliable sources for the truth behind the headlines.
(Thanks to Eric Alterman for the link)

Thursday, September 16, 2004

SO Happy I Moved Into the City

Wow, $15 Billion, and they couldn't kick in a little extra for drainage? Where the hell is that Dutch kid* when you need him?











*It's a finger-in-the-dyke-reference. Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you people?!?

Another Pooch Takes One in the Ass

Okay, it's looking more and more like CBS f'd this one up pretty bad, especially when you consider that it wasn't necessary to forge any documents, because simply talking to the people who worked with him will tell you that Lt. Col. Killian agreed with the sentiments in those memos, whether those particular memos are genuine or not. Why are journalists these day so unwilling to go into more depth? It seems like they (and most of the public) just parrot the most recent lie and move on. It's like they're totally unfamiliar with the concept of depth, or even follow-up questions. Thanks, CBS, for making this about two pieces of paper now, instead of about whether the man in the Oval Office coasted through life on his father's coattails.

(Not) Glad to See You Go Go Go Go Goodbye...

Johnny Ramone joins Joey and Dee Dee in Punk Rock immortality.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Don't Believe The Non-Hype

There seem to be a lot of people out in the Blogosphere complaining that John Kerry isn't going after Bush hard enough. I don't know about that. Read this transcript from the Kerry website. I think he comes down pretty hard on the President. Of course, I'd like to see him really drop the hammer, but there is some truth to the assertion that a certain amount of decorum should be observed, whether the frothing right-wingers in talk radio land want to believe it or not.
(Thanks to Atrios for the link)

Last Minute Gig Plug

Just got asked to feature (that means I'll be doing the longish set in the middle) this weekend at the Bitter Man at the Red Lion Inn in Cohasset. Show starts at 9pm on Saturday, with Bob Lazarus and Mary Beth Cowan.

*Sigh* Now We have One Less Distraction at Work

Wonkette mourns the death of the Sloganator. With lots of fun examples.

Required Reading

I like Tom Tomorrow's 'blog for many reasons, not the least of which is Bob Harris' guest-blogging entries.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

It's Not Just Happening to Muslims

So you say the Patriot Act isn't leading to government abusing it's authority? Tell that to Ciaran Ferry's family.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Liberal Media Bias, Mm Hmmm...

Just saw a teaser for Channel 7, the NBC affiliate here in Boston. They were promoting a news story about Kitty Kelley's new book about the President, and gave the line "Guess where the author claims the President used cocaine [emphasis mine]." Now, there have been a few stories about this book in the last couple weeks or so, mostly about Bush's sister-in-law claiming she never said she saw him use coke at Camp David, and Kelley saying that, well, yes she did say that because someone else was at the interview and confirms her statement. So how does 7 News make the statement that Kelley is making the claim, when it clearly comes from people who say they were there at the time? I don't even know if the story is true, but at least one so-called "Liberal Media" source is framing the story as one person making claims about the President's past. Nice work, Liberal media!

Friday, September 10, 2004

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Hmmmmmm...

I seem to be using the word shit a lot. Must be my new breakfast cereal.

Lions Vs. Christians Can't Be Far Behind

Or I have a better idea, let's just beat the shit out of people on live tv, and give them Dunkin' Donuts gift certificates if they live.

Read this.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Sniveling, Craven, Shameless Exploiters of Death

Dick Cheney will use anything he can to try and scare the shit out of you into voting for his boss. Good Lord, I hope he eats crow in two months.

News Flash: Zell Miller is a Damn Liar

There are plenty of other arguments and websites that point this out too, but for my money, one of the best debunking websites is Snopes. Here is their take on the whole "John Kerry voted against every weapons system since the slingshot" nonsense.

Throwing This Out There

Does anyone know how to get a not-quite-one-year-old Husky dog to stop chewing the shit out of every goddamn thing in my apartment (aside from getting rid of him because he's not actually my dog)? Also, anyone in the Greater Dorchester, MA area know how to splice phone wires together?

Show This Clip to Everyone You Know

This is the kind of person the Republican Party considers to be the next generation.

The Whole World is No Longer Watching...

...because I haven't seen anything remotely like this on the news. Liberal media, my ass.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Start Asking Questions

Nick Confessore over at TAP Online ends this post with "Beware any sentence beginning 'John Kerry says...'". I think it's time to do more than just beware. I think it's time to start demanding people who start those sentences that way to put up or shut up. I know it'll never happen, but just once I'd like to see Wolf Blitzer or Judy Woodruff or George Stephanopolis ask someone: "Exactly when and where did John Kerry say this?" But none of them ever do. When people from the right goes on the air with outrageous accusations, out-of-context or just plain phony quotes, and they go unchallenged by the mainstream media, they might as well be reporting them as factual stories. I say it's time to make these people tell the truth and back up their bullshit.

Yep...

Tom Tomorrow pretty much nails it.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Swiftboat Forgers

According to this story, at least one of the men SBVFT claims as a supporter never gave his permission to use his name. I wonder if someone will be going through all the other names, making phone calls and verifying whether all this support (I believe O'Neill said something on Bill Maher's show to the effect of Kerry had a picnic table, whereas they had a campsite) actually exists? I wonder if there's any kind of legal punsihment for a 527 group that forges people's names to their official releases?

Ooohhh...

...you meant that kind of honor and integrity. Seriously, how can anyone get behind this kind of crap?

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

It Really Makes Me Wonder About Winston Churchill Now

Boy, Rudi really laid it on thick last night, didn't he? Are Bush and Churchill really cut from the same mold? Maybe because they were both big boozehounds in their youths.

Way to Miss the Point Entirely

So, I was listening to David Brudnoy on the radio last night. He's more of a conservative leaning Libertarian, but I usually find his show to be more intelligent and thought provoking that the usual cast of lunkheads on the AM dial. The discussion, of course, was about Kerry's military service and was he lying about everything and did he bring all these negative attacks on himself and did he really even volunteer in the first place. Because now, after the original charges about his medals were discredited, and the statements John O'Neill made about Cambodia have now been shown to contradict previous claims he made about his own service, the new story is that John Kerry didn't actually volunteer for Viet Nam service, he tried to get a student deferment first, and then signed up for the Naval Reserve.
So let me get this straight: A guy tries to do what thousands of other guys tried to do (get a deferment so they don't have to go to Viet Nam), gets turned down, signs up for military service in the hopes that he doesn't have to go over there, goes over there, and serves not only honorably, but heroically (according to the official history and eyewitness accounts), and people are giving him shit for that now? Unbelievable. And then Brudnoy tried to equate Kerry's attempt at a deferment with Dick Cheney's. The problem with that is, Kerry was vocal in his opposition to the war, but went anyway and served honorably. Cheney was vocal in his support of it, but due to his "other priorities," got out of actually putting his ass where his mouth was and going over there to serve. And not only that, his willingness to send other people's kids into danger zones when his own instinct was to cover his ass in the 60's is despicable. I don't fault someone for trying to get out of a situation like that. I probably would have. But when your actions and your words directly contradict each other, then I say let the ridiculing commence.

Republicans: Love the Military/Hate Soldiers

I'm sure they'll say that this is just a joke and people should lighten up. But you know what? It's not a joke, it's just mean-spritied, and quite pig-headed to boot. But of course, never let the facts get in the way of a good smear campaign.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Oh to, oh to be, oh to be a-SHAMROCK!

Big congrats the my roommate Sinead Walsh and her Boston Shamrocks for winning the Ladies Senior Finals of the Northeast GAA Gaelic Football tournament. I can honestly say that was one of the most exciting sporting matches I've ever seen live. Also congrats to my landlord Davy Murphy and Wolfe Tones for winning the Men's Junior Final. On to Denver!

Friday, August 27, 2004

It's Just Getting So Frustrating...

To think that when legitimate questions, backed by official military records, were asked about the President's military service, those asking were shunned and ridiculed by the majority of the mainstream media as fringe players, and the matter was largely dropped. But now, when a group of men led by a longtime Republican operative starts making charges that not only contradict the official record, but in many cases their own previous public statements, the newsmedia, no matter how much you want to paint them as liberal propagandists, are rolling out the red carpet and taking what they say as truth without doing ANY research to verify their claims. It's frustrating, it's tiring, and it almost makes me want to say "Alright, fuck it, if THAT'S the kind of man you want to run your country, then welcome to him and let's see how you feel after four more years of this bullshit." Of course, I can't really do that, but sometimes you just want to give up. Maybe that's been the gameplan this whole time. If they just make enough noise and start enough crap, people will eventually just get tired and go along. There's no way in hell I'm going to vote for Bush, but I'll tell you, I'm starting to get tired.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

A Minor Enhancement

Or, rather, a correction. Seems I set this site up so that you had to have a Blogger ID to post a comment. I've eliminated that restriction, so post away if you like, in relative anonimity. Although It would be nice if you put your name at the bottom of your post.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

All You Need is New Kicks

Nike and Yoko Ono conspire to trash yet another countercultural icon. She has now been removed from the Artistic Roll Call. You can wear them with Jack Kerouac's khaki's.

"The people in our organization have no political ties..."

"...um, except for our lawyer. Oh, and that guy in our commercial who was also a member of the Bush/Cheney Verterans Advisory Board until people found out and he had to resign."
-What John O'Neill really meant

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Newsflash: Alice Cooper Still an Opportunistic Sellout

Apparently, ol' Vince thinks that rockers who campaign for Kerry are "traitors" to rock and roll. No word on rockers who play golf with Bob Hope and Gerald Ford.

This is the Family Behind Republican's Favorite Books

The Regnery's. I know I know, there are lot's of dating services for Latinos, Blacks , Jews, etc. What's so wrong with an all-white dating service? Well, you have a point, I guess, if you can show that the other services are designed to facilitate the eventual domination of the United States by their respective ethnicities. Again, if you're buying books from Regnery Publishing, this is where your money is going.

This is Just Childish...

Kerry supporters in the Florida panhandle are having their signs stolen from their property. So, how much confidence do you really have in your candidate when you're turning to burglary and vandalism? What are you people, nine?

Paul Krugman rocks

Read this. Yeah yeah, I know, it's a subscription required page. But it's worth it and you can just use your spamtrap email address. So this is what it all boils down to for me: The Bush Administration is a group of folks, most of whom were nowhere to be found when it was time for them to serve, who now like to get all Clint Eastwood. John Kerry was a guy who disagreed with the Viet Nam policies of Johnson and Nixon, but went anyway because, I don't know, a sense of duty? Whatever, he went and put his ass on the line. And then he came back and said "I was there, and this is why the war is wrong (not an exact quote, but the gist of his argument, geddit?)." When did it become a Republican tactic to hold genuine war heroes up for scorn? Aren't they supposed to be the party of Real American Patriots? Or are all those Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood songs just a lot of hot air? Kerry has denounced the MoveOn.org ads that question Bush's military service, and has called on Bush to do the same to the Swiftboat Vetrans group. Bush has not done so. Why are people still looking to this guy as a leader. Because he made one or two good speeches during the week after 9/11? I really don't understand it, I wish someone would explain it to me without resorting to bumper sticker philosophy.

Monday, August 23, 2004

John O'Neill: Constitutional Dunce

Okay, so now O'Neill's going on the air and saying that if what he says is untrue, then John Kerry should sue him, and more than one conservative pundit says that Kerry Needs to release his records in order to clear everything up. My question is, why should he? Doesn't the burden of proof lie with the accuser? Why should John Kerry have to devote a single iota of his time to disproving someone else's story? That would be like a prosecutor dragging someone into court and accusing them of stealing, and the court demanding that they either provide evidence of their innocence or admit their guilt. Yeah, I know the court of public opinion works a little differently, but that doesn't mean it's right.

Since he just HAD to jump into this debate...

If Bob Dole wants to talk about the superficiality of John Kerry's Viet Nam wounds, maybe he can e'splain this. Again folks, anyone who thinks Kerry didn't deserve his purple hearts needs to review the criteria for earning one.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Matt Drudge: New Journalist or Same Old Crap?

Okay, here's the paragraph that's running at the top of Drudge's page right now (as of 11:43 EST):

"The Kerry campaign calls on a publisher to 'withdraw book' written by group of veterans, claiming veterans are lying about Kerry's service in Vietnam and operating as a front organization for Bush. Kerry campaign has told Salon.com that the publisher of UNFIT FOR COMMAND is 'retailing a hoax'... 'No publisher should want to be selling books with proven falsehoods in them,' Kerry campaign spokesman Chad Clanton tells the online mag... Developing... "

And then, just below that, in big block letters "Kerry Campaign Calls for Book Ban."

Now, go read the paragraph again. Is he calling for the baning of the book? Well, you can read the article here (yeah, I know you have to watch an ad to view the article, but it takes about 15 seconds tops). According to the article, the Kerry spokesman the says the publisher "should consider" withdrawing the book. He doesn't call on the publisher to do so. Of course, that's not nearly as sexy sounding as Drudge's misleading headline, but hey, that's the liberal media for you.

UPDATE: There is now (as of 3:50pm EST) no reference at all to this story.

The Good News Is, You Wont Have to Pay More Taxes...

Here's a little primer on just how bad the Bush Administration wants to screw working people, courtesy of the AFL-CIO. Why anyone in their right mind believes he's for regular people is beyond me.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

F@$%ing Finally!

The big knock on Kerry from Democrats has been his near-silence regarding some of the more shrill and vicious critics on the right. I understand the desire to not stoop to their level, it doesn't look very Presidential to get into a verbal food fight with some wing nut who thinks you're a pawn of the Rothschild family. But finally, FINALLY, he's fighting back against the attacks on his military service. Story here. What makes me laugh is that some of these guys are telling stories that, if true, should result in them giving back THEIR OWN medals from incidents in which Kerry got his. Plus, while the Swifty group claims that they alone are responsible for the ads (right, I'm sure this is all coming out of their military pensions), the people financing them have been longtime Bush contributors. I really think this group is doing more long-term damage to Bush/Cheney than they are to Kerry. This is going to backfire on Bush bigtime. And boy does he deserve it.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

His rap name is Old Cranky Bastard

Rolling Stone has a pretty good article on Bill O'Reilly here. I've worked with this guy when he filled in at WRKO in Boston, and I'm still amazed that people are willing to give this cheap hack so much credibility after all these years. The guy just reeks of a former high school nerd who now has the power to bully everyone else. He's getting payback from the world for the way he was pushed around growing up. I'm surprised he doesn't have a locker on his set to shove people into.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Why isn't anyone pranking these things?

The Washington Post (suscription required) has a pretty good look into just how scripted and fake these Q&A sessions with the President really are. Plus, they're creating an opportunity for Bush to give voice to the smears that the Swift Boat jackasses are putting out there without actually saying these things himself. Check it out:

"Q On behalf of Vietnam veterans -- and I served six tours over there -- we do support the President. I only have one concern, and that's on the Purple Heart, and that is, is that there are over 200,000 Vietnam vets that died from Agent Orange and were never -- no Purple Heart has ever been awarded to a Vietnam veteran because of Agent Orange because it's never been changed in the regulations. Yet, we've got a candidate for President out here with two self-inflicted scratches, and I take that as an insult. (Applause.)
"THE PRESIDENT: Well, I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you for your service. Six tours? Whew. That's a lot of tours.
"Let's see, who've we got here? You got a question?"
Mr. President, I think you're being too subtle.

Is it just me...

Or is the Bush/Cheney campaign just shithouse crazy? Okay, I honestly don't know if this is the work of Jeb Bush on behalf of his brother's reelection bid, but come ON! An investigation no one will comment on that's targeting older black people who just so happen to work as voter registration volunteers? Are any of the major newsmedia even trying to find out what's going on? I mean, we know that they only gave a cursory glance to the fact that thousands of eligible voters were stricken from the rolls illegally last time around. Can it possible be just a coincidence that all this is taking place in Florida? The mind boggles.

I'm sure it's all Kerry's or Tom Menino's fault somehow...

If you plan on heading to NYC during RNC week, please make sure you've never publicly disagreed with the Bush Administration.

Who's on YOUR enemies list?

So what does it say when the President's nominee for CIA cheif is trying to legalize the kind of things Nixon did? Remember this is the guy that the White House insists is the most qualified person for the job, and he's on record earlier this year as saying he's not qualified to work at the CIA nowadays.

Putting on the foil

I know this is tiptoeing into global conspiracy territory, but is anyone else besides me just a little bit uncomfortable about all the GPS devices being so readily available? Not to mention OnStar? The thought that anyone might be able to track my every movement and possibly even control my vehicle from outside if they wanted to just kinda creeps me out. I'm sure it's made some people's lives easier, but it's still a little too Big Brother-ish, for me.

On an unrelated note: A few people have started to email me and give me feedback on this 'blog, which is nice. But what would be nicer (and not that I don't appreciate the support) is if you'd post a comment at the bottom of the post that interested you. That would go a long was towards making it seem like I'm not just talking to myself here. Thanks.

The views expressed are not necessarily those of our advertisers...

For some reason, there are links to conservative 'blogs and writers at the top of this page. I have no idea why this is. It's fine, I guess. This is a free 'blog service, so I guess they get to choose what they link from my page. I just think it's kind of strange. Just thought I'd mention it.

Friday, August 13, 2004

"Free the Memphis Three," my ass

Say a prayer for BA and Face. At long last, they can stop running.

And THEN what did you do?

Yet again, Bush declines an opportunity to yank the leash on the Swiftboat attack ads. But of course, why should he? His friends in Texas paid damn good money for them. What really confuses me is why McCain continues to work for him. I really want to like McCain (he is, after all, the Democrats favorite Republican), but to go back and shill for a guy who so blatantly smeared him last time around? For all the posturing from the right on how strong they are on military, etc., it's amazing that they don't seem to like actual soldiers very much.

Gary Gulman got robbed

Well, maybe not really, but I still think he had the best set on Tuesday's finals. Honestly, I think this season, with all of the attendant squabbles about whether or not it was fixed, was pretty good, even better than last year. It does seem like the folks in the cattle calls got hosed. At the very least, the producers cherry-picked the final 10 from the prearranged "private" auditions, not from all the folks who froze in the street waiting for their three minutes of stagetime. In a way, I'm almost glad Gary didn't win. I've worked with him and hung out with him in Boston, and I think he was certainly good enough to win the whole thing. But his manager, Barry Katz, is also the Executive Producer of the show, and I'd hate to see all the snarky comments about how he only won because of his manager. Gary's a good guy and a damn fine comic. At any rate, congrats to John Heffron.

Oh, and speaking of Flip-Floppers

Who the hell voted for this guy (thanks to Eric Alterman for the link)?

This Just In: Choosy Terrorists choose Jif

Plenty of other places are covering this story, but no one's really ever answered the question: If, as I understand it, these are basically the same drugs that are available in the US, only cheaper, then why is the Federal Government so hot to make people pay more? Why doesn't the FDA just admit that they are a wholly-owned subsidiary of the pharmaceutical industry? The other irony about all of this is that, while Republican politicians (and quite a few Democrats too) get large amounts of money from big drug companies, Conservative pundits are always the ones who bemoan the culture that encourages so many people to take all these drugs. And they call US the flip-floppers.

Why I'm a lapsed Catholic (reason #439)

Boy, the Vatican really knows how to create some good will, don't they? Following this to it's logical conclusion, I think the next step would be to air Pay-per-view where each member of the College of Cardianls gets to slap a crippled child in the face.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Clearly, this was worth getting 1,000 US soldiers killed

Iraqi soccer is BACK, baby!

Taking the Redeye

People have been asking me lately why I'm always so tired. The answer? Gunfire isn't quite as relaxing as the Sounds of the Ocean.

Nyah nyah

Just entering this in order to prove I can update more often than The Reverend Tim McIntire. I'm sure he'll reply with a comment about having a fuller life or something. Whatever, dude.

We have liftoff

Okay, here we go. The test post apparently worked, so now I start posting in ernest. Welcome to my new 'blog. I used to have (actually I still have) another 'blog-like site that you can still read here:http://comedyjc.diaryland.com/. As you can see from that page, I'm a real stickler for timely, thought-provoking updates. This will be a combination of personal observation and political commentary, salted with what I hope will be sharp, pointed comedy. The reason I say hope is that, even after several years of traveling the professional stand-up comedy circuit, some things are still only funny to me.
Something you'll notice as you read my posts is that I'm rather left-leaning. What does that mean? Well, it certainly doesn't mean what talk radio would like you to believe it means. One thing that's always bugged me about conservative commentators and their respective adoring publics is that they've decided to frame the national debate based on what THEY say people like me believe, and then try to force us to defend it. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, we take the bait. The one thing I can promise you about this board is that you'll know I believe something WHEN I TELL YOU I DO. Nevermind what Rush and Hannity and O'Reilly tell you. When I say something, that's when you know.
I also promise to call bullshit when I see it from my own party. I'm more than willing to admit that there are folks on the left that can be just as hyper and shrill as some of those on the opposite side, and I'm sick of people trying to make me defend them too.
So there you go, about as much of a manifesto as I could muster at this point. I'll prolly change my mind more than once, but it's my damn 'blog, so I can do what I want. I can't imagine I'm talking to anyone but myself right now, but if you're reading this, I hope you enjoy it

Let's get this party started...

Wow, here I go stepping ever so gingerly into the blogosphere. Okay, just testing the new toy. Nothing else to see here.