Earworms and Closed Doors

For the past two or three days, I've had the Me First and the Gimme Gimmes' cover of "Goodbye Earl" running in a continuous loop in my head.  I don't really mind, I like the song a lot (I even like the original).  So things could be a lot worse.

So it's been just over 30 days without a drink for me.  I've been to a couple more meetings, which were significantly better than the last one I wrote about, a lot more like the first one I went to.  Actually, the one I went to on Tuesday was an "Open Discussion."  The other meetings had more of a lecture format, where people would stand at a podium and tell their story.  This one had us all sitting around a table facing each other.  No one got up to speak, and everyone was given a chance to discuss the nights topic once the meeting chairman said their piece.

I chose not to share my story on this night, as it was my first time at this particular meeting, and I just wanted to observe and get a feel for the dynamic of the group.  It was interesting.  You definitely learn that pretty much everyone has their own version of the same story.  There are variations, but there was a lot of "Like s/he said..."  That's not a criticism, as it was more informal than the other meetings I've been to.  But it was definitely eye-opening.  Except for one thing.

A lot of the folks there talked about how they can't even be around alcohol, or people who drink.  They get agitated and nervous.  Thus far (and I know it's only been a month) I haven't had that experience.  I mean, I'm in a band that plays in bars and pubs almost every weekend, and I haven't had to go outside for some air because I just couldn't take not drinking any of that beer.  It's like, after Memorial Day weekend, something in my mind simply said "Okay, you're done now."  That part of my brain that really really wants to have a pint or twelve has been sealed off and locked, at least for the time being.

This is both something of a relief, and a little nerve-wracking too.  I'm glad I can still maintain friendships and not disrupt my life TOO much.  But I'm also wondering if, at some point, I'll start having those feelings of dread and fear about being around people I love, just because they drink and I don't.  I don't want to have to stop going to the same places as my friends.  I don't want people to feel like they have to change their routines (or worse, stop being around me altogether) because I'm getting nervous about being near booze.

I've watched trays full of pints pass by me to my band mates, and yes, there is some regret that none of them are for me.  But the knowledge of what will surely happen if I give in even once seems to be enough for me to shrug it off.  I really hope this keeps up, and isn't some kind of temporary phase.

Speaking of band mates, just a reminder that the Gobshites are playing in Providence tonight at Whiskey Republic with our pals Brother Moon.  There's a $5.00 cover, and the doors open at 8.  Hope to see you there.