Meeting Others, Meeting Myself

So I've been to two meetings now.  One was a very positive experience, one was just so-so.  The first one I've already talked about, the second one was last week.  I was having a particularly stressful day, and the thought crossed my mind that "I could really use a Guinness or twelve."  That's when I went online in search of a meeting, and I found one just over the border in North Providence.  I got there just as it was starting, nodded to a few folks and sat down as the facilitator was finishing the group's announcements.  One thing he said that kind of set a wierd tone in my mind was that the group was not accepting any new members.  Not quite the friendly, welcoming experience I'd had the week before.

But I decided to stick around anyway and see what was what.  There were four speakers, and none of them seemed to have any kind of plan or structure to what they were going to say.  There was a lot of "Where was I?" and skipping back and forth and repeating stories they'd just told.  I'm not saying this to ridicule anyone, we can't all be great orators, but it didn't seem like the meeting was very well organized.  And the group came off as more or less insular and exclusive.  Hardly surprising, considering that they weren't accepting newcomers.  One or two of the folks there were friendly enough, but only to a point.

I've learned from friends and relatives in the program that some meetings are better than others.  There are a few more in my immediate area that I still want to check out.  The problem now is timing.  My work schedule varies, and most of the meetings near me start at either 7:00 or 7:30, which makes going to them difficult if I'm on a late shift that week.  I haven't been back to the first meeting I went to, but I definitely plan on it.  I liked the atmopsphere and the people there.

I said that I wasn't too crazy about the "Let go and let God" aspect of the program, but through reading some of their material, and talking to folks, I've gotten a little clarification on that.  It's not a religious group, and it doesn't promote or endorse any particular religion (which is kind of interesting considering most meetings are held in churches).  But the idea of God in this context is what they call "God, as we understand Him."  This leaves a bit of wiggle room for those of us who, while not particularly religious, feel that maybe there is something more than this mortal coil, a "higher power," whatever that means to you.

The other thing that impressed me is that, unlike the stereotypical teatotaller, there's no taking of any pledges.  You're never asked to swear off of alcohol forever, because everyone knows that you can't reasonably make a promise like that.  All you can do is concentrate on not drinking today.  That's where the "One day at a time" slogan comes in.  I'll never vow that I wont ever drink again in my lifetime, because who knows what will happen over the course of my life?  I'd like to think that's the case, but I'm only flesh and bone and meat.  All I can reasonably promise is that I wont drink today.  If I feel the urge to drink, I put it off until tomorrow.

And when I wake up tomorrow, I'll take a minute or two to decide not to have a drink then, either.  I'll put it off until Sunday.  One thing I wont put off is going to more meetings and learning more about myself and my addiction, and making every effort to make the most out of each sober breath I take.