So my doctor thinks I'd benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've been reading up online, and it seems interesting. I definitely think I have a pattern of thinking, whether shaped by experience or bad wiring or both, that tends to lead me down some dark roads. The scary thing is, sometimes those dark roads are a comfort to me. I don't like that. I do think sometimes we have to embrace our dark thoughts, if only to admit they're there and then put them away. Immersing yourself in them isn't healthy (obviously), but neither is ignoring them.
So can I be taught to think differently about things? To notice patterns in my thinking? I don't know. I'll be 42 this year, and some of that stuff seems pretty deep-seeded to me. I don't want to seem resistant to a new approach, but how will I react when I'm told to rethink everything? The big problem with my latest stretch of depression is that I never even saw it coming, and I think it may be because I'm just used to that feeling. Will my ADHD interfere with my ability to recognize the patterns?
Is there anyone out there that's gone through this? Or do you know someone who did? Did it work for you/them? Like I said, I'm not opposed to trying it, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure this darkness doesn't come back. But it's still scary to think that my darkness may be more attractive to me at times than the way out of it. I'm confident that I'll opt for the way out, of course.
1 comment:
I have a friend who is 48, and went through the CBT training at BU last year. She thought it was somewhat helpful, but did it in the opposite order from you: she was not on any antidepressant at the time, and had a really horrible 2010 (moved 4x due to 3 abusive roommates, plus other relation sh*t). Now she's waiting for a psychopharm appt for them. I do think the CBT helped her from what I saw in her behavioural changes (e.g. she got better with money issues), and probably would have helped more if she hadn't gone through so many stressors.
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